finding-humour-in-the-dementia-journey
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Sometimes You Have to Laugh: Finding Humour in the Dementia Journey
“What awful person decorated this house?”
The comment came from a woman standing in the very house she had lived in for years.
For many families living with dementia, moments like this are surprisingly familiar. They are confusing, frustrating, heartbreaking, and sometimes, despite everything, genuinely funny.
One family recently shared a story about bringing their loved one home after a short stay in respite care. What should have been a simple journey home quickly became a whirlwind of emotions.
Within minutes they heard:
“Thank you for coming to visit me.”
“Where am I?”
“You look shady.”
“You’re kidnapping me.”
“They kidnapped me.”
“I want to go home.”
“What a pretty picture frame.”
All in the same conversation.
At one point, their loved one even growled at them.
Anyone unfamiliar with dementia might struggle to understand how laughter could possibly fit into moments like these. But caregivers know something important:
Sometimes humour is not about making fun of the person.
Sometimes humour is how we survive.
The Dementia Reality Nobody Talks About
Dementia changes how a person experiences the world around them.
A familiar home can suddenly feel unfamiliar.
A trusted family member can feel like a stranger.
A simple yoghurt cup can become a hand-washing basin.
A blanket can become “too formal” for everyday use.
The rules of reality are constantly shifting.
For the person living with dementia, these experiences are very real. They are not pretending, exaggerating, or being difficult. Their brain is processing information differently, creating a world that often makes perfect sense to them, even when it doesn’t make sense to anyone else.
That is why arguing rarely works.
Logic often fails.
Correction can increase distress.
Instead, families learn to adapt.
The Hidden Skill of Dementia Caregivers
One of the greatest skills caregivers develop is flexibility.
They learn to move between sadness and laughter in the same moment.
One minute they may be helping someone who believes their clothes have been stolen.
The next minute they may be trying not to laugh because the accusation is:
“You stole my clothes. They wouldn’t fit you anyway.”
Humour can diffuse tension.
It can reduce stress.
It can help maintain a connection when traditional conversation becomes difficult.
Most importantly, it can help preserve the relationship.
Because sometimes the only thing left to do is smile and enter their world for a moment.
The Heartbreak Behind the Laughter
While many dementia stories make us smile, there is often another side to them.
Behind every funny story is usually a caregiver carrying enormous emotional weight.
Many families describe a painful reality:
The body continues, but the person they once knew seems to appear less and less often.
Then occasionally, there is a moment of clarity.
A brief flash of awareness.
A look.
A question.
A recognition that something isn’t right.
For many caregivers, those moments can be the hardest of all.
Because for a few seconds, they see the person they love struggling to understand what is happening to them.
And that can be devastating.
It’s Okay to Laugh
Many caregivers feel guilty when they laugh.
They worry it means they aren’t taking the condition seriously.
The truth is quite the opposite.
Humour does not mean you care less.
It often means you care enough to keep going.
It means finding light during some very dark days.
It means creating moments of joy in situations that can otherwise feel overwhelming.
It means protecting your own wellbeing while continuing to support someone you love.
If you’ve ever laughed because your loved one criticised the decorating in their own home, searched for an imaginary handbag, washed their hands in a water cup, or insisted a blanket was “too fancy” to use, you are not alone.
Many families are living these moments every day.
And while dementia can take away many things, it cannot always take away our ability to smile together.
Sometimes, in the middle of the confusion, the frustration, and the heartbreak, those smiles become one of the most valuable coping tools we have.
Because sometimes laughter isn’t denial.
Sometimes laughter is resilience.
Louise, Founder, The Dementia Companion & The Dementia Assistant
https://thedementiacompanion.com
https://thedementiaassistant.com